How it Feels to be Perpetually Single

Okay, let's just chat for a few minutes about something scary... That's right, being single! 

So, for any of you who don't know me very well/ at all, I am single... So single... Like seriously, I have only been on two dates in me life and I am pretty sure both times they were pity dates. I have never been in a relationship, although I want one, it has just never worked out that way for me. Now that most of you probably feel bad for me now, I should probably tell you that you shouldn't feel sorry because I have recently come to accept my singleness.

Most of you have probably heard of the term "Perpetually Single", which means that you are the person who is never in a relationship. You probably have a friend who fits this description or you yourself are that person, either way, the forever feeling of loneliness is out there.

It is hard to perfectly explain how it feels to always be single, if you ask two Perpetually Single People (P.S.P for short) they will probably have two similar, yet different responses. Some people might be single by choice while others may long for a significant other. So, I can only answer for myself when I talk about be a P.S.P. 

Anyway, for me being a P.S.P is a love/hate relationship (Which is probably the closest thing I have had to a relationship, ha ha ha). I have always wanted a boyfriend and the idea of being married and having kids someday is quite appealing to me. But at the same time, because I have never been in a relationship before the idea of actually being in one is unreal and the more I think about it the more scared of it I become because it is new and unfamiliar to me. Even if I somehow found a guy who was interested in me and would make a pretty great boyfriend, I wouldn't know how to go about making that relationship happen and I would probably mess the whole thing up! One thing I have learned is that it takes more than just finding the right person for a P.S.P to finally have their long awaited relationship because we don't know what the heck we are doing! Dating has never been our thing and it takes a while for us to get into the swing of things. So sometimes just being single can seem a lot easier and more comfortable for us. 

I literally hate it when people think they know how to fix my P.S problem or think they are somehow an expert on my own personal love life and take it upon themselves to tell me everything I am doing wrong. Although these family members, friends, and sometimes strangers think they are doing you a favor and only want the best for you, us P.S.P know that this is literally helping no one. Honestly, does it make you feel any better when you tell me things like, "If you would only do______ than you would have a boyfriend", or "You really need to put yourself out there more", or "I'm just worried about you because I don't want you to be alone", The list goes on. Although I know people often times mean well and do want the best for me, I am going to be completely honest. Do you know how many times I have held back tears when hearing people talk about my lack of relationships? Do you know how many times I have have brought on panic attacks from a personal realization that it is 100% possible that I might die alone? Do you understand that I have cried myself to sleep at night because every one of my friends are in relationships and seeing them together sometimes brings thoughts to my brain that I will never experience the joys of intimacy like that? Do you know how many times I have thought that I will die before having my first kiss? Trust me when I say that my being single hurts me a lot more that it hurts you and you have no expertise and no right to comment on my love life. 

There are also a lot of people who think they are being helpful when they say things like, "Don't worry, it will happen some day?" or "When you stop thinking about it you'll find him", or "When I was single I felt the exact same way, you just need to______". First of all, we need to stop telling everyone that the right person will come some day. There are a lot of people who have lived their entire life on this planet and have never found the right person. We need to accept the fact that sometimes people die single, it's not a crime and it is definitely possible. Honestly, when people tell me things like that I often feel like people are not listening to me and are only reciting a memorized script that society has ingrained into everyone's heads because this is the way we are "supposed to react". Often times I don't want to hear reassurance that I will someday find a man, sometimes I just want someone to listen to me and not try to offer me advice or condolences. Just let me vent, I trusted you enough to open up about this inner emotional side to me and I don't want you to ruin the moment by adding scripted dialog. If I ask for advice give it, but if not just listen to me. 

Honestly, I have been feeling bummed out about being a P.S.P for months now and the only thing that has made me feel better is watching inspiring videos of people talking about how to handle being a P.S.P and writing out my feelings about it right here. 

I give my love and appreciation to everyone who has tried to help me and wants to help me. I honestly love it when people try to listen to me and want what is best for me. I personally am not the easiest person to get to open up about personal topics like this. But, in all seriousness and respect to you guys, just let me be me and don't try to fix my relationship status unless I ask for it. It is harder on me than you after all.